


Uncle Clint VS Father Tony

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Pranks, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Uncle Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:37:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15108095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Clint decides to prank Tony, he asks a certain SpiderBaby to help him out. Poor Tony never sees it coming.





	Uncle Clint VS Father Tony

"Hey kid," a voice echoed throughout the vent above Peter. Peter smiled and climbed onto the wall, quickly entering the vent in the ceiling himself. 

"That's _freaky,"_ Clint commented.

"You're freaky," Peter retorted.

"Is that any way to talk to Uncle Clint?"

"When you say 'Uncle Clint' you sound like a pedophile."

Clint pouted. Peter laughed and then asked, "So what did you need?"

"Oh, right. I wanna prank Stark, and I figured it would be better if you were in on it. Whattya say?"

Peter didn't even hesitate, "Hell yeah. So what are you planning?"

Clint smiled one of the most devious smiles ever smiled by devious men.

**

"Alright so as soon as he walks in, you look at him seriously and tell him you need to have a talk with him. I'll start recording, and then the plan swings into motion. Now, kid, you can't fuck this up. It all depends on your acting."

Peter nodded solemnly.

"Good, you're already in character!" Clint clapped. "Stark won't know what hit him."

**

"Tony, we really need to talk."

Tony stopped in his tracks to look at Peter.

"Yeah, of course. What's up, kid?" he asked, worry evident in his eyes. Peter had to hold back a snort.

_Clint's counting on you, Parker. Don't screw this up._

"I think you should sit down," Peter patted the seat next to him. When Tony sat down, Peter looked down, trying to avoid eye contact with Tony. Tony used his pointer finger to lift up Peter's chin so that Peter's eyes met his own.

"Peter. What's wrong?"

Peter squirmed.

"Nothing is wrong, exactly. I just... I need help."

"Spit it out, Pete."

Peter inhaled.

_It's now or never._

"Tony. I'm... I'm going to be a dad."

**

Clint almost breaks his cover, biting his fist so that he wouldn't laugh. He nearly cried when he watched Stark's face, seeing how it changed from pale white to red to purple and back to white.

"You-you-you're gonna be a dad?" he choked out.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna be a dad. But that's not what's important, I mean obviously it's a huge deal but anyway, I don't know how to be a dad. And I'm only sixteen and-and-," Peter trailed off, eyes cast downward. Clint looked at him appreciatively. This kid deserved a fucking oscar.

"Let me get this straight: You got someone pregnant?" Tony whispered, holding his face in his hands.

"Y-yeah. Um, her name is Sha-,"

"No. No. Do not tell me her name. I need to process it, I need to... holy shit Peter. You're gonna be a fucking dad?"

"Um, Tony. You should probably breathe before you pass out."

Tony inhaled sharply. Then exhaled.

"Christ, Peter. You're gonna be a dad."

"Tony?"

"A fucking dad! I mean, kid, you're sixteen and you're gonna be a dad!"

"I mean, you're gonna be a grandpa. Grandpa Tony."

Tony's face paled another fifty shades.

"Oh shit," he whispered.

Clint nearly died right then and there. 

"So, um Tony. I want to give you something," Peter pulled out a box of condoms.

"I want you to have these. They are unused, obviously and I don't want to waste them, and you could have a few days off to clear your head, blow off some steam."

Tony looked at Peter in shock.

"What the fuck?" he eyed the condom box and then took it in his hands.

"Look inside. I didn't know how to say this in person, so I wrote it down and put it in there."

"Um, Peter-,"

" _Please_ , Tony. It's really important."

Tony sighed but opened up the box and pulled out a sheet of paper. He carefully unfolded the note before reading it out loud.

_Dear Tony._

_This is Clint. Your kid's not actually pregnant, don't worry. Consider this revenge for the time you wore my sweatpants._

_xoxoxo,_

_Uncle Clint._

"BARTON! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

Peter fell onto the couch cushions, crying with laughter as Clint strolled in.

"What the fuck, Barton? What the actual fuck?"

Clint raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you would have been a great grandpa," he assured.

Clint watched Tony's eyebrows creep up until they practically disappeared into his hairline. Without saying anything else, Tony walked out of the room flipping Peter and Clint off.

Clint and Peter burst out into another fit of laughter, tears streaming down their cheeks.

**

The next morning, both Clint and Peter woke up with bright pink hair, their closets devoid of clothes.

Next to each of their bedstands lay a note that read,

_Fuck you both._

_Xoxoxo,_

_Father Tony_

**Author's Note:**

> *leave a comment or kudos? I like reading what you guys think, and all your nice feedback. They make me really happy:)*


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